Change of Plans: How to Support Your Sensitive Kid

Last Monday’s ice storm here in St. Louis really threw me off! I didn’t end up seeing clients or sending my kid to childcare because it wasn’t even safe to walk down the front steps. I struggled to find my footing with the last minute changes. It got me thinking about the children I work with in the play therapy room. Some of my favorite kids to work with are the ones that feel emotionally unmoored when thrown a curve ball.

Does your child struggle with a break in routine? Do they seem extra sensitive and more likely to meltdown when things don’t go as planned?

Let’s talk about how to support your kid through those last-minute, change-of-plans moments.  Because it’s going to snow, things will get icy, their best friend will get sick, they will get sick. The list goes on. We can’t avoid the little curve balls life will throw our way.

1. Validate their feelings

I’m a child therapist, so I’m never going to stop saying VALIDATE YOUR CHILD’S FEELINGS!  :)

When a playdate gets canceled or there’s an unexpected snow day, instead of saying: “It’s okay, we’ll have fun here!”

try saying:

“That is such a bummer! You were really looking forward to seeing your friend. I can see you’re feeling sad and disappointed.”

Provide nurture and support in your child’s favorite ways.

2. Help your child develop a Plan B

When your child is ready, help them find ways to spend their time to make-up for the disappointment of canceled plans. This is the time to say, “I know we can have fun together even though Lizzie can’t come over.”

I am a big fan of parent-child connection, so if possible try to include moments of connection with your child (rather than a full day of independent play). Check out this blog post for some ideas.

If it’s a snow day and your child functions optimally within the structure of school, create a loose schedule for the day. Write it on a piece of paper so they can see it (include pictures/symbols of the activities if your kid doesn’t yet read). Be sure to include activities that support your child’s optimal level of arousal (keep them in their window of tolerance). AKA- Don’t have video games for 7 hours straight! Include a mix of fun, energizing activities and enjoyable, calming activities.  

3. Use curiosity to help them think about what’s next. And if you have any control over it, do what you can to reschedule.

You might say:

“I wonder what your classmates are doing at home today? Tomorrow at school you can ask them how they spent their snow day.”

Look at the weather report together and process whether or not its likely there will be school the next day.

OR

“I wonder what you and Lizzie will choose to play with next time you have a playdate? Do you think you might play cars again?”

Then text Lizzie’s parents to reschedule the playdate!  

4. Validate their feelings.

Yep, your kiddo will probably bring up their sadness or disappointment again throughout the day. You may be thinking to yourself, We already solved this, right?! This is developmentally typical behavior for kids! Validate your child’s feelings again. Yes, it gets old and it can be hard to express sincere empathy. But take a deep breath, and try anyway!  

What else would you add? What have you done to help your child with a disappointing change in plans? Share with me in the comments!

Need more support?

If you’re noticing that your sensitive kid struggles A LOT to adjust to changes, reach out to chat about your child’s needs and how play therapy can help! You can schedule a free phone consultation on my website, or email me at brightdaystherapy@gmail.com.

Bright Days Ahead: Counseling and Play Therapy is located in Clayton, MO. Rachel Zahniser, LPC specializes in anxiety and trauma therapy for kids and teens (ages 3-17) who are big feelers and sensitive souls. I work with families throughout the St. Louis area including: University City, Ladue, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Couer, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood.