The Window of Tolerance
Developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, the window of tolerance is a way to describe how our nervous system works. We each have a window of tolerance where we feel regulated, calm (yet energized), happy, at ease, and able to handle challenges that come our way. This is where we function our most optimally.
Another term for the window of tolerance is the zones of regulation. Our window of tolerance is called the green zone. I use these terms interchangeably. The language of “zones” is pretty approachable to kids and it’s what I use with my child therapy clients.
Our window of tolerance becomes more narrow when something really stresses us out. When we become dysregulated we get pushed outside of our window. We can go two different directions when we’re dysregulated:
Hyperaroused (red zone)
mad/angry
anxious
out of control
fight or flight
Hypoaroused (blue zone)
sad, numb
bored
tired
freeze/shut down
Take time to notice
As parents, it’s helpful to learn about our child’s window of tolerance and our own window of tolerance. Children, especially babies and toddlers, borrow our nervous systems and learn to self-regulate by first co-regulating with their caregivers. If we can learn about our own nervous system and be aware our own window of tolerance, we can better regulate ourselves in moments of stress. That means we will be more effective co-regulators for our children.
To learn more about your nervous system, ask yourself these questions:
How do I feel when I’m in my window of tolerance (my green zone)?
How do I feel when I’m hyperaroused (in my red zone)?
How do I feel when I’m hypoaroused (in my blue zone)?
What things push me out of my window of tolerance?
What things help me get back into my window?
I’ll go first.
In my window of tolerance (green zone) I feel calm, at ease, present, well rested, and in-sync. My breathing is easy, I trust myself, and I feel happy.
In my red zone (hyperaroused, fight or flight), I feel STRESSED, anxious, and can’t breath easily. I don't think clearly and I’m bouncing from idea to idea. I start to think to myself, “I can’t handle it.”
When I’m in my red zone, some of the things that ground me, regulate me, and help me get back to green zone (back into my window of tolerance) include making a list to prioritize how to spend my time, talking to someone I trust, dancing to release some anxious energy, making art, and going outside for a walk.
In my blue zone (hypoaroused, freeze mode), I feel blah and bummed. I feel sad, lonely, disconnected, and unsure. I have no interest or excitement about the things that normal give me life and energy.
When I’m in my blue zone, the things that help me get back into my window and out of my blue zone funk are painting, exercising, talking with a someone I trust, doing a self-compassion mediation, walking in nature, taking a hot shower & ending with 10-30 seconds of cold water, and doing yoga.
Take some time to sit with these reflections questions. For the next week, notice when you’re in your window and when you’re in a hyperaroused or hypoaroused state. Just notice, don’t judge yourself.
Learn your child’s nervous system
Next, start to notice your child’s little nervous system and what helps them stay in their window of tolerance and what takes them out of their window. Notice what helps them get back into their window. The more you learn about your child’s nervous system (and your own nervous system), the better able you will be to help them regulate during moments of stress, frustration, and sadness.
Find helpful pdfs of the window of tolerance here and here for your reference! You may even want to print off one of these for your fridge as you’re learning more about the window of tolerance.
Need more support?
If you’re noticing that your child constantly seems to be outside of their window of tolerance, reach out to chat about your child’s needs and how child therapy can help! You can schedule a free phone consultation on my website, or email me at brightdaystherapy@gmail.com.
Bright Days Ahead: Counseling and Play Therapy is located in Clayton, MO. Rachel Zahniser, LPC specializes in anxiety and trauma therapy for kids and teens (ages 3-17) who are big feelers and sensitive souls. I work with families throughout the St. Louis area including: University City, Ladue, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Couer, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood.
