The holiday season presents so many opportunities for sensory overload and emotional challenges for our highly sensitive children (HSCs). As a highly sensitive person, myself, and a play therapist, I have quite a few thoughts on this! 

I compiled a list of four simple things you can do right now so that your child has an easier time navigating the big group dynamics of the holidays.

1. Identify a Calm Down Spot

Before the holiday chaos begins, identify a calm down spot for your kid at whatever house(s) you’ll be at during the holidays. When your kid gets overstimulated or needs a social break, they can retreat to the calm down spot to regulate. This could be:

• A spare bedroom

• A quiet corner of the basement

• Their own bedroom (if your family is hosting)

If you'll be away from home, help make this space feel comforting and accessible for your child. Pack a small bag with items that help your child regulate. Here are some suggestions, but you know best what would help your child regulate.

• Noise-canceling headphones

• A favorite stuffed animal

• A weighted blanket

• Fidget toys

• Favorite toys that help your child relax (like art supplies, magnetic tiles, or playdough)

• A water bottle

• Crunchy snacks

The goal is to create a retreat where your child can decompress when overstimulated or dealing with hurt feelings, disappointment, or anger. Normalize this space – it's not a punishment, but a necessary tool for emotional regulation.

2. Practice Co-Regulation Strategies in Advance

While co-regulating with an upset baby often feels natural (rocking, speaking softly, and singing), co-regulating with older kids isn't always obvious to us! It requires practice and creativity. I always encourage parents to practice co-regulation strategies while your child is regulated and in their window of tolerance so that when they're dysregulated, the coping strategy is already familiar.

Some strategies to try:

• Deep breathing

• Squeezy hugs 

• Yoga poses like "Legs up the wall"

• Shake it Out

• Give your child a massage

See some of these strategies in action in this instagram post.

Check out my list of 25 Co-Regulation strategies here.

The key is finding what works for your child. It can take some experimenting with different strategies, so don't be discouraged if the first co-regulation strategy you try doesn't land with your child. Keep trying!

3. Avoid Over-Scheduling

Be mindful of how much social activity your child can easily tolerate and don’t push them. If you are spending long chunks of time with family or friends, help your child take breaks periodically so they don’t get overwhelmed. Self-advocacy is a learned skill and you can help your child learn how to notice their needs by reflecting what you notice. “Hey, it looks like you’re feeling a little overwhelmed, how about we go to your calm down spot for a little bit.”

If your child generally gets an hour of alone time each day, try to help them get that much alone time each day during the holidays, too! Most of our HSCs thrive with the consistency of their routines, so don’t be afraid to go against the grain to help your child get what they need!

4. Practice Setting Boundaries

Role play setting boundaries to help your child get more comfortable advocating for themself- use puppets, dolls, or even just practice with each other. Boundaries you might practice could be declining hugs or kisses, asking for space, and taking a break from group activities. I help facilitate good-byes by giving my 3 year old the option to say goodbye, give a wave, give a high-five, or give a hug. This helps her have autonomy and tells the other people involved what our boundaries are (she gets to choose, not them).

You can help your child identify scripts for what to say, like:

• "I need a break. I'm gonna go to my calm down spot;"

• "No thank you, I don't want a hug."

• "I'm gonna go find my mom or dad" - your child can then let you know how you're feeling and you can start co-regulating and support your kid.

• -"Thanks for the invite, but I don't want to play a game right now. I need some alone time."

Help your child think through what signs would tell them they need a break. For example, some signs might be:

• when they are starting to get annoyed at everything their cousin says

• if they feel like crying

• if they feel super tired, have a stomach ache or a headache

I hope these suggestions help you set your child up for success this holiday season! I’ll be following these same tips for myself so that I can stay in my window of tolerance and actually enjoy the holidays!

Let me know if you have any questions. Happy Holidays! ❤️

Need more support?

If your child really struggles during the holidays despite your best efforts to be supportive, Play Therapy can help. Reach out to chat about your child’s needs and learn about my approach to play therapy! You can schedule a free phone consultation on my website, or email me at rachel@brightdaystherapy.com

Bright Days Ahead: Counseling and Play Therapy is located in Clayton, MO. Rachel Zahniser, LPC, RPT specializes in anxiety and trauma therapy for sensitive kids (ages 3-12). I work with families throughout the St. Louis area including: University City, Ladue, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Couer, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood.