Preschoolers are some of my FAVORITE kids to work with in the play therapy room! They are so playful, learning so many new things, and still so young that they want a lot of connection with parents. It’s such a beautiful stage of life. And it can come with confusion for parents; it can be hard to make sense of all the big feelings!

Besides the obvious: my kid worries a lot, it can be hard to know what behaviors indicate anxiety in young children (since they can’t always straight up tell us that they’re worried or anxious). So let’s dig into some of the potentially less obvious anxiety symptoms for preschoolers:

1. Your kid asks for frequent reassurance when it doesn’t seem necessary.

This can look like your child deferring to you for making decisions, asking for reassurance, or wanting an adult to identify something/tell them what to do.

Many of the following questions are within the realm of “typical” or “non-anxious” behavior, but when a child is asking these repeatedly and almost always looking for adults to reassure their choices we want to look into the possibility of anxiety.

• What should I play with? 

• Do  you like my art?

• What should I eat?

• How do I do that? (when it’s something they can do)

• What is that? (When it’s something they already know)

2. Your kid seems afraid to ask adults for help.

Social anxiety may show up as: 

• Reluctance to ask for help (even with teachers they’ve known all year!)

• Nervousness to talk to new peers they don’t know very well.

• Fear of doing something embarrassing in front of others (like making a mistake or accidentally hurting themselves)

Preschoolers with anxiety can have a hard time getting the words out and asking for what they need. I find that social anxiety often goes hand-in-hand with self-esteem and self-confidence. When I work with anxious children in the playroom, we often end up doing a lot of self-esteem work too!

3. Your kid has sleep difficulties.

Okay, many young kids are still figuring out how to get a good night’s sleep, and let’s be real, so are many grown adults. Certain sleep difficulties can indicate the presence of anxiety, though, so let’s talk about ‘em.

• Your child has trouble falling asleep due to worries (about the dark, school, etc.). You child might ruminate on the day by thinking through interactions from and wondering if they handled it “right.”

• Your kiddo doesn’t want to sleep away from you. This can be indicative of separation anxiety, especially if they usually sleep in their own room and have done fine with it in the past.

4. Your kid seems irritable and tense.

Anxiety might at the root of your child’s irritability.

This might look like your child feeling on edge when they make a mistake or accidentally hurt you. For example: You are painting with your child and she drops a paintbrush, it almost lands on your foot. Your child becomes defensive saying, “It didn’t get on you!” Your kiddo might really be worried about doing something wrong or offending someone.

Your child might seem angry a lot and lash out a you. Underneath that anger might actually be anxiety!

5. Your child worries about YOUR safety (or being separated from you).

As your child’s caregiver and primary attachment figure, you are essential to your child’s wellbeing. If something bad happens to you = something bad has happened to your child.

So a HUGE worry for anxious kids can be losing YOU or something bad happening to you.

Children with separation anxiety may express their worries about being separated from their parents or caregivers in a variety of ways. They may talk, worry, or have nightmares about being separated from parents. They might talk through “what if’s” about parents getting hurt.

A pretty obvious sign of separation anxiety is a child crying, clinging to parents/caregivers, and begging them to stay when it’s time to part ways. 

If you checked yes to one or more of these 5 items, your kiddo might be dealing with anxiety. Deep Breath. We’ve got this!

Next steps for you might be:

• Identify your child’s anxiety triggers (and provide support during triggering moments/situations).

• Learn more about parenting a child with anxiety. (Check out some of my previous blog posts for supportive parenting content.)

• Seek out a child therapist for your kid.

Looking for a St. Louis-based child and play therapist?

If your child is checking several of these boxes and you suspect they have anxiety, reach out! Let’s talk about how play therapy can help calm those worries. You can schedule a free phone consultation on my website, or email me at brightdaystherapy@gmail.com.

Bright Days Ahead: Counseling and Play Therapy is located in Clayton, MO.Rachel Zahniser, LPC specializes in anxiety and trauma therapy for kids and teens (ages 3-17) who are big feelers and sensitive souls. I work with families throughout the St. Louis area including: University City, Ladue, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Couer, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood.