25 Ways to Co-Regulate
As a play therapist, teaching parents to co-regulate with their children is one of my favorite parts of the job! You are with your child wayyyy more than I am, so I love empowering YOU to support your child in the middle of a meltdown, a big wave of anxiety, or an explosion of anger.
First of all, what is co-regulation?
Co-regulation is the process of helping your child regulate by allowing your child to feel your regulated nervous system. It’s kind of like your kid gets to borrow your nervous system. And remember, regulating does not mean calming down; it means connecting to yourself, your emotions, and your nervous system in the moment. When you co-regulate, you help your child stay connected. Try these co-regulation strategies when you can tell your child is starting to get dysregulated or even in the middle of a meltdown. Figuring out which co-regulation strategies work best for you and your child is a process, so approach this with curiosity!
What to say in the middle of a meltdown?
Keep talking to a minimum! Remember that during a meltdown is not when your child is able to use their logical brain, so keep your words simple and soothing. Use a low voice and get down on your child’s eye level (this sends a message of safety to your child’s brain). Use one of these phrases and then move into co-regulation mode using a strategy from the list below.
I’m here with you
We can figure this out
You are safe
I know it’s hard
We can handle this
I got you
25 Co-Regulation Strategies:
Give your child a Weather Report - Ask what their favorite weather is and then gently draw about it with your finger on your child’s back (make sure your touch doesn’t tickle). You can describe aloud what the weather looks like and what your child is doing on their perfect weather day.
Hold your child and sway
Have a dance party with upbeat music if your child is in their blue zone (hypo-aroused) or calming/Classical music if your child is in their red zone (hyper-aroused).
Invite your child to do a Pillow Jump- your child tosses pillows from the couch or bed onto the floor and jumps onto the pillows.
Teach your child Blow Me Over - Have your child try to blow you over by taking a big breath and exhaling on you. You get to fall over in a dramatic playful way. This is especially effective when kids are angry or hyper-aroused. You can do this several times until your child is more regulated.
Run up and down steps together
Put a cold wash cloth on your child’s face (and one on your own)
Make slime together
Make Ooblek together (just mix 1 cup water + 1.5 cups cornstarch)
Give your child a Squeezy Hug- give your child firm, yet gentle squeezes on their arms and legs. You can also teach your child to give themselves a squeezy hug.
Do yoga together or try balancing yoga poses, like tree pose
Play with playdough
Teach your child Shake It Out- pretend like you have paint coming out of your finger tips and you are flinging your paint all over the room when you shake out your hands out from side to side.
Play with a fidget toy together
Do a Five Senses Scavenger Hunt together- Name something you hear, something you smell, something you see, something you feel, and something you can taste.
Do Dragon Breaths together- Ask your child if dragons take a small breath or a big breath to blow fire. (Your kid will probably say big breath!) Tell your child that you have a marshmallow on your finger and your kid needs to blow fire on it to toast the marshmallow. Teach your child to take a deep belly breath and exhale onto your finger.
Sing together
Invite your child to bounce on a yoga ball
Do the yoga pose Legs Up the Wall together
Have your child drink water or a smoothie through a straw
Eat a crunchy snack together
Do jumping jacks together
Give your child a massage
Teach your child Fire Hands- If your child is in their blue zone (hypo-aroused, show them how to rub their hands together quickly (as if they were trying to warm them up). After 10 seconds or so, stop rubbing, take a breathe, and notice the sensation in the hands. Are they warm? What do they smell like?
Teach your child Pillow push - You hold a pillow in your arms and your child pushes into the pillow to knock you over. This one is easiest to do in a seated position on the ground or bed.
Let me know which if these strategies work best for helping your child regulate and get back into their green zone!
Do you have a sensitive, anxious kid who loves to play?
Play Therapy might be just the right fit. Reach out to chat about your child’s needs and how play therapy can help! You can schedule a free phone consultation on my website, or email me at rachel@brightdaystherapy.com
Bright Days Ahead: Counseling and Play Therapy is located in Clayton, MO. Rachel Zahniser, LPC, RPT specializes in anxiety and trauma therapy for sensitive kids (ages 3-12). I work with families throughout the St. Louis area including: University City, Ladue, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Couer, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood.